Running a small business or launching a start-up is not for the faint-hearted and especially in recent years. Alongside these challenges, the use of vague, unchallengeable excuses to dodge responsibility, communication and deliverables has surged.

Has it escalated since the pandemic? Absolutely and in spades.

Tell me lies….

Recently, I was horrified when someone used the (untrue) excuse of a family member’s death to avoid accountability and essential communication.

Sadly, this isn’t an isolated incident. More men and women are using personal or family crises as shields to deflect blame, avoid conversations and abandon commitments.  And I’ve had people openly admit to using their children as convenient excuses to escape obligations.

Beyond being dishonest, it’s an insult to expect others to accept fabricated excuses or falsehoods without question.

When this behaviour becomes a pattern (and it does across the board), it’s no longer just avoidance but calculated manipulation.  It exploits human decency and sympathy to sidestep responsibility.

To be fair here, genuine tragedies and sudden emergencies exist and deserve understanding and flexibility.

Hell, last May, I had a serious accident that landed me in the hospital for two weeks with three operations and in a wheelchair for eight weeks.

But here’s the thing. Real crises don’t come with convenient timing or vague details. And more often than not, there are telling clues, before and after if the excuse is dishonest.

Having owned a recruitment company for 11 years, I’ve heard every nonsensical excuse imaginable to avoid and deflect.  From falling asleep, to the old car broke down to my grandmother had an accident.  Funny how it all  conveniently occurred on the day of interviews or other important events.

Yet nothing appals more than the brazen use of a personal tragedy to deflect criticism and avoid follow-up. These fabricated crises are designed to be unquestionable, conveniently vague, and used to shut down further discussion while eliciting sympathy.

It’s well-researched that people lie for a variety of reasons and do so multiple times a day.  From tiny micro personal ones to big professional ones to avoid punishment, embarrassment, or ownership of mistakes.

In professional settings, invoking personal emergencies is an easy tactic to shirk culpability while maintaining a façade of vulnerability.

But when dishonest excuses become habitual, they’re not just avoidance, they are self-delusional.  This should be a wake-up call to a crisis of mental health conscience and ethics.

People know what they have done, and if unethical, it will erode their long-term self-esteem.

The psychology behind lies

Some individuals, particularly those with narcissistic tendencies, use these deceptive tactics to manipulate perceptions and garner sympathy.

Narcissistic personality disorder is often characterised by a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy.  It manifests in behaviours of fabricating crises to outright blaming of others.

When people falsely claim a family death or another dramatic, unchallengeable excuse, they’re dodging accountability and manipulating emotions to divert attention from their own shortcomings.

Are false excuses gendered?

While dodging accountability isn’t specific to any gender, the type of excuse often can be.

Women may cite family crises, playing into societal caregiving expectations, while men might lean on vague professional conflicts or external pressures. Research suggests people are more forgiving of women using family-related reasons but judge men more harshly for the same.

The impact of dishonesty

The professional consequences of insincere tactics are profound. When trust is eroded by dishonest or highly exaggerated excuses, collaboration weakens, morale declines and productivity suffers.

After repeatedly facing these games, many will start questioning whether they even want to continue in their start up or small business.   The constant energy drain of navigating deception, deals and promises leaves them, like so many others, frustrated  and exhausted.