Could empathy be the missing piece in the workplace bully puzzle? It seems counter-intuitive to even consider the intersection, yet empathy has a role to play when it comes to dealing with workplace bullying, writes Michael Plowright, Director of Working Well Together.

What if showing empathy to workplace bullies guides a new pathway for solutions and safer workplaces?

Can businesses support a bully to change ensuring they don’t repeat the pattern of damaging behaviours either in the existing or a new workplace?

The impacts of workplace bullying are multiple and complex. They include both physical and mental health consequences from stress-related physical conditions to trauma and suicide. Bully Zero estimate that 10 per cent of all Australian workers have experienced bullying and 39 per cent of mental disorder claims are from exposure to bullying in the workplace.

I believe these statistics are just the tip of the iceberg as they represent official reporting only.  Further, the ramifications of working from home and the issues around hybrid workplaces bear witness to increased and new bullying behaviours.

Both targets and bullies need support to ensure survival and recovery for the individual and business broadly.  To address and eradicate bullying, support must be provided to bullies to change their behaviours and raise third-person perspectives.  Essentially this is empathetic leadership.

The value of empathetic leadership

I am going to challenge thinking when it comes to bullying support. I don’t believe bullying support should be provided to proven bullying cases only. It must be extended to workplace bullying claims and accusations even prior to investigation.

Human beings are complex and bring with them their past as well as their present when they come to work. While some of the individuals I work with are suffering under behaviours presently in their workplace, others are suffering from both past and present experience.

Why show empathy?

Showing empathy to a manager or co-worker who uses bullying type behaviours is not an easy ask. It can seem totally incongruent when you are actually repulsed by the behaviours meted to others or personally feel intimidated by them.

However, showing empathy is important if you are going to have any chance of successful behavioural change in the workplace. Bill Eddy of the High Conflict Institute refers to bullies as having high conflict personalities and argues these employees require an empathetic approach because this is what they are really seeking.

The high conflict person is at the core both very afraid and/or angry. He advises that they are out of their depth. Showing empathy with that individual creates a sense of “us” working on the problem together to get to find a solution. A solution cannot be found unless you are approaching it together, even with bullies.

Both Eddy and Laura Crawshaw of the Boss Whispering Institute, also highlight that without using empathy the individual can become excessively defensive.  This forms and fortifies a barrier to change reducing the likelihood of success.

Part of the solution

However, empathy is only part of the solution. Empathy opens the door to possibilities. Engaging in the solution also includes:

• Approaching the individual with truthfulness. This is one of our key challenges as employers often avoid the hard discussions. This results in employers sabotaging solutions, rather than finding them.
• Setting boundaries. Without set and reinforced boundaries, the behaviours can keep reoccurring.
• Keep emotions under control. When trying to support change with a person who uses bullying type behaviours, it can be hard to keep emotions in check. But it’s necessary for success.

This is not to say that empathy will lead to success in every case.  Some people intend to remain in an angry state. However, in her work with over 400 abrasive leaders, Crawshaw’s research indicated around 80 per cent of abrasive leaders have been able to change.

So how about it?  Is your business willing to prevent and resolve bullying with a focus on empathy?

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